Leah said she believes her friendships with people are based on shared memories. And it got me thinking, what are my friendships based on, since I remember so little? I have a very visual, close to photographic memory. I am very good at remembering where I saw something or where to go to find something. Things people tell me don't have visual cues, so I have a hard time remembering them. If you write it down, I am much more likely to remember it by calling up the visual image in my head. My feelings about people are most definitely based on memories, but more the effects of the shared events on my feelings more than the memories of the events themselves. I spent an inordinate amount of time with Cassie when I was growing up. I remember the types of things we used to do together, but rarely a specific time when we did them. There's maybe one or two memories of us playing Barbies or exploring the creek or jumping on haybales, but I know we did all those things often. It's like I chose an example of those things to remember, to remember that I did do them. Although we don't have so much in common anymore, since we are at very different points in our lives, we do have those shared experiences that started the relationship. But it's not why I love her. It's my connection to the person she is and the trust and affection I have for her that forms the friendship. And that goes for all my friends.

Later...
I think I need to explain further why I'm thinking about this. As explained to Leah: It is a source of great sadness to me that I don't have those memories. I wish I was able to say "Yes! And..." when someone says, "Do you remember when...?" Last Christmas, as part of my family gift exchange, we each went around and told our favorite Christmas memory. I actually started crying, because I couldn't remember any. I remember having Christmas, and that someone or another gave me presents or that such-and-such was one of our traditions, but I couldn't remember the actual event. I don't understand why there's this thing that seems to be part of everyone else's consciousness can't be part of mine, as well. It's like there's a part of me that's missing somehow. So all I have are the feelings. I do understand that other people have the connections, too, that memories aren't the only thing that forms the basis of friendships. But not mine.

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