I'm pretty sure that Angel would never be able to lose his soul by having sex after that first time with Buffy. Which really screws up the entire plotline for Season 4's Awakening, but that's not my point today. My point is, that he would be unable to forget that at any time he could lose it all, and never be able to experience true happiness due to that knowledge.

Which is how I'm feeling now. I can't forget that at any time now, I could lose it all. Last night, we watched Batman after I got home. I couldn't just sit there and watch the movie, I was concentrating on remembering the moment: how it felt to sit next to him, to hold his hand, to listen to him breathe. It presses on me as urgent to remember these things, these simple things, these things I might otherwise take for granted.

Beneath it all, I am bracing. Impact imminent. I am remembering the little things, because it's the little things that I enjoy the most, and what may have to carry me through. I just found him, why does he have to be taken away from me so quickly? The only thing I can do is trust in God's Plan. If he goes, we either weren't meant to be and this was just a wonderful moment in time, or we survive it together, stronger. And if he stays, if he stays...