Inferior Imitator

ep·i·gone n. A second-rate imitator or follower, especially of an artist or a philosopher.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

I'm still working at the nursing home, and it struck me today that the great majority of people the elderly have left in their lives is their children. I had to fight the urge to cry right then and there. I remembered all the times my grandparents posed for pictures with all their grandchildren, and it struck me how much I still want that. Sure, I make noises about being a sophisticated single and growing old alone, but mostly to protect myself from disappointment. I have what? ten good childbearing years left? I'm running out of time. My mom isn't going to live to see my children grow up. Dude, now I *am* crying.

I think, deep down in my heart of hearts, I still want to be Mom when I grow up. And now that I'm realizing I *am* grown-up, I'm disappointed that I'm not. Is not wanting to be lonely a bad reason to want a family? I think that is what I am most afraid of. Death, public speaking, heights, spiders, clowns...I'll take them all on if it means I will never be lonely again.

5 Antiphon:

11:05 AM, September 17, 2004, Annika: Oh, honey. Of course it is okay to not want to be alone. Of course, I do hope that you at least like children...
2:58 PM, September 17, 2004, Technomage: There are worse reasons for having kids than not wanting to be alone. At least you will want to love them. Of Course, all kids are a crap shot. Sometimes they make you scream and other times they are a great joy. ALL in the same day my daughter gave me hugs all during soccer practice (Warm Fuzzies), and my oldest son shattered a china plate in the microwave, becuase he wanted to see if he could get a styrofoam cup to melt. (Cold Rage Pricklelies).

In Some ways I wish I could have 500 kids, becuase each one is different, mix of my wife and I, very freaky. Other times one is enough. And I can't figure out my kids either. One I ignore and he does great in school, when I pay attention he flounders. Another is a lilte alethic powerhouse and fears nothing, yet I thought he would be the pensive one. And my Daughter well what can I say, I'm just going to have to kill her first three boyfriends. And if anyone hurts her I will come back from the grave and kick their ass!
3:38 PM, September 17, 2004, Technomage: Just because you pushed a button...

Kids can be aggravating:

When you are counting the number of sprikles on the cupcakes so it's fair for everyone. (I've done this)

When you find something for free to bring home and you ask for two more so you can bring home three so every child can have one. It's doesn't matter that two of them don't want the Pink foam squeeze pig, if one child gets it they want it too. (This has happened)

There are time I'm in a truly happy, joyful mood and I want to take all of my kids out for ice cream and cake and buy them big toys. I say. " Hey Kids let's go for a surpirse" "what is it" "I don't want to go" Kids Scream back at me. We at the ice Cream palor. "CAN I HAVE THE BANANA SPLIT SUNDAE WITH THE EXTRA 3 SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM......PLEASE" say the starry eyed child. "No, but you can have the two scoop ice cream cone" I say. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I HATE YOU DAD! YOU'RE Meanest DAD EVER!!!!!" WTF I think.
(This has happened too)

Then by the time I'm at the toy store my good mood is gone. After 45 minutes I want to kill them all and get a puppy. I'm alergic to dogs....
8:34 PM, September 19, 2004, Technomage: Leah,

That "Kids only act like that when they don't have consistency... " is pure nonsense. Until you have kids of your own, you have no idea. Being a Nanny is a pale shadow of being a parent. and forget babysitting. After you been married for 17 seventeen years and had kids for 12 of those years, then we will have something to talk about. Until then remember your comment and pull it out 20 years from nowand see how you feel about it then.
10:52 AM, September 20, 2004, Anonymous: It is very strange to realize that one is way older than one's Mum and Dad when they first had one, and yet one still feels like a BIG KID. Do we ever really grow up? Perhaps we just hide our childishness better these days, but it's still very much there.

I don't know if having a kid to avoid loneliness is a good reason, but there certainly are far worse ones. I imagine you have other, far better reasons too. You don't need me to tell you it's not a decision to take lightly, in any case.

Don't cry, honey. Fate has something planned for you; that's for sure.

~CosmicAvatar

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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

~Rudyard Kipling

The Lone Ranger Creed

I believe that to have a friend,
a man must be one.

That all men are created equal
and that everyone has within himself
the power to make this a better world.

That God put the firewood there
but that every man
must gather and light it himself.

In being prepared
physically, mentally, and morally
to fight when necessary
for that which is right.

That a man should make the most
of what equipment he has.

That 'This government,
of the people, by the people
and for the people'
shall live always.

That men should live by
the rule of what is best
for the greatest number.

That sooner or later...
somewhere...somehow...
we must settle with the world
and make payment for what we have taken.

That all things change but truth,
and that truth alone, lives on forever.

In my Creator, my country, my fellow man.

~Fran Striker

Inferior Imitator

Thursday, September 16, 2004

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Inferior Imitator

Thursday, September 16, 2004

5 Antiphon:

About Me

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Current Consumption

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IF

The Lone Ranger Creed

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