Inferior Imitator

ep·i·gone n. A second-rate imitator or follower, especially of an artist or a philosopher.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Living so close to tailgate central, I'm used to the trash. After every game, I have to pick crap out of my yard that people are so careless as to drop. I don't mind bottles and cans, since there are people who come around to pick them up for the deposit. But the crap like paper plates, beer cases, cups...all that stuff I have to pick up after the game. Usually, I'm in the front yard and can yell at those people who think they're anonymous: "Do I look like your mother? Pick that shit up!"

It's the back yard that I worry about sometimes. I was in the kitchen last Saturday, putting on sunblock, when this guy walks into my backyard, looks around, and starts to drop trou. He musta completely zoned out on the window, because I was right there. I knocked on the window, gave him a 'what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing-my-back-yard-is-not-a-public-toilet' gesture. He looked at me like I was the one who wasn't where I was supposed to be.

But I have to say the most interesting thing I've found so far, I found earlier this evening as I was mowing my lawn. As I was walking along, something shiny caught my eye: it was a pair of handcuffs. Saturday, right after a cop car with its sirens on (which I have never seen during a football game) tried to speed its way through drunk pedestrians, a bike cop raced from behind my house, assumedly because he had cut through the backyards. My guess is that he dropped them then.

Me, being the good samaritan that I am, dropped them off at the cop shop at the end of my street on my way to tae kwon do this evening. I was tempted to keep them, especially after the cop said that he hadn't heard of any reported missing, but then I thought, 'Where might these have been?' and the idea wasn't so appealing anymore.

Especially without keys.

5 Antiphon:

10:55 PM, September 21, 2005, Blogger Chelsea

You should have kept them! I don't know what you could do with them, but you never know when you may need them! You may have to handcuff someone that is annoying you to something and now you won't have any handcuffs!

There were cops from out of town at the game, too. They could be theirs.

 
1:22 AM, September 22, 2005, Blogger Ems

Citizen's arrests. They would come in handy then.

 
8:43 AM, September 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous

Eeeeeeewww. Just...no.

~CosmicAvatar

 
1:08 PM, September 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous

"That is beyond vile!" [/Bring It On]

Any excuse to quote that film [grin]

So ewwwwwww, on the where-have-the-handcuffs-been...

Callie

P.S. If someone tries to pee in your yard again, tell them they need to use cactus leaves to wipe with. Then offer them some [evil]

 
11:09 PM, September 25, 2005, Blogger Mindi Scott

Wow. I think I would use my machine gun on someone who peed in my backyard. Well, if I had a machine gun.

Territorial? Who, me?

 

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