Goodbyes suck. Especially when it's going to be a year and a half until your sister comes home again, and your brother is going to Ohio for nine months. Which makes me realize that he won't be around forever, either, and I'm going to be the kid that sticks around and takes care of the parents.
And I don't know how I feel about that. Not that that's a bad thing, or something I resent, but there's a feeling of...regret, maybe? Not quite, though. I don't regret the choices I've made: I love my town, and I love my job, and I love my home. But there's something there that asks, "What if?" What if I'd left Iowa, even if just for a while? Would I have gotten homesick, or would I have thrived? Would I have stayed away, or come home again?
I don't know if there's ever going to be a chance to find out. Now that I'm established and happy where I am, there's less of a chance that I'll make a huge change. And now that I'm the "last" kid, there's going to be a teensy feeling of obligation to stay, even if my parents would tell me not to feel that way.
posted by Amanda @ 5:03 PM
3 Antiphon:
I can imagine what you feel. I'd like to go and live abroad, but I'm conscious that I wouldn't want to be far away in another country, when my parents are retired or elderly. What if something happened? What if they were ill? You can't always hop on a plane at a moment's notice, unlike a train or driving.
They'd tell me not to be silly, but although I might go for a short while, maybe a few years, I wouldn't plant roots necessarily, and the first sign of illnes/infermity, and I'd be back.
Like you, I don't know whether I'd like to be away long, but I want to be at least in the same country as my parents, once they hit their 60s or so.
Yes. Yes, they do.
Having said that, being established and happy is very important. [nod]
even if you did leave, you still have that feeling, execpt mine is guilt. I wont be there to care for the people who cared for me. And the worse part is knowing that when the time comes, I will not be able to say good-bye.
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