Another relative is trying to set me up with someone. While it's not quite as weird as my Grandma trying to play matchmaker, I'm still weirded out. Rachael called me and said that while she was showing off her wedding pictures, one of her co-workers saw my picture and asked about me. While I'm flattered in a way, the whole idea of meeting someone with the purpose of seeing if we like each other makes me uncomfortable. And while I realize I just defined "date", it's the "meeting" part of the sentence that's the stickler. The only "dates" that have ever turned out well for me have been with people I have already met.

I suppose it would have been better for me if she had just arranged for us to be hanging out in the same place at the same time. Doing it this way just puts too much pressure on me. It makes my heart sad to just think about dating again, and doing it on purpose...I guess I'm just not brave enough for that.

And perhaps I have issues. Maybe I isolate myself on purpose. Maybe I put too high of stakes on these things. Maybe I'm too pessimistic. And maybe it's just easier to go on the way I have been, hanging on to something that really isn't there anymore. But deep down, I have doubts that it can happen to me twice. And in that same place, I believe I'll go on loving the same person for the rest of my life. Because that's the way I am.