I'm done feeling like crap. I was in bed all day yesterday with that heat intolerance shit, and I have no idea what triggered it this time. The allergy medication obviously didn't work. I haven't tried the migraine meds yet, but I think I'm going to try going off bc first. My dentist of all people suggested it, and I'm thinking it makes complete sense. If it's really what's causing these symptoms, the benefits are so totally not worth it.

The sooner the better. I feel like I went through a week's worth of flu in one day, and today I'm a zombie. Losing a day's work was really bad, too. I have to get this review and tax return done by next Wednesday at the latest, and I'm going to have to work this weekend in order to finish it on time, now. And I can't skip TKD tonight since I'm testing on Friday. And I have to test because my year is up, and all these people are coming to watch because it's for my first-degree black belt, and I'm worried to death that I'm not going to even be able to make it all the way through and I haven't even made up my last one-step yet!

Waaaah! Just - Waaaah!

I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can physically do it. If I can't even get through warm up and forms without getting sick, how am I going to get through line drills, forms, sparring, one-steps and still be able to maintain enough control over my muscles to break a board? The one thing that I wanted when I started doing this was to do it right. I waited each time until I was sure I was ready. And now, the most important test...I can't do it. I don't want to do some half-assed job, and if I try it now, that's what it's going to feel like. If I fight through the dizziness and the nausea to try and do this, I don't think I can do it the way I've been imagining it for five years. I'm bawling over the frustration of it all.

And I still don't know what is the right thing to do.