There's a psychological component to the inability of people to lose weight. I haven't ever really tried, because if I don't truly try, I still think I can. Does that make sense? I haven't failed, because I haven't tried.

There's been a confluence of events that have made me ready to try. One, I went to a ribbon cutting for a new franchise in Iowa City, a distribution center for Seattle Sutton Healthy Eating. They do fresh meal preparation in healthy and calorie-controlled servings, and meal-preparation is a huge challenge for me at this time of year. Calorie-control has always been an issue for me, and because I haven't really tried to count calories, I have used that as an excuse for not losing weight, even though I exercise regularly. I can justify the expense (which is less than on the website because of the distribution center) because of the value of my free time during tax season.

Two, I want to test for my first degree black belt in May now that I have my heat issues under control. (Post about that upcoming.) So I'm motivated to make it to every class between now and then, and less tempted to skip, like I usually do when I'm working 10-12 hours a day.

And three and least important (because you have to lose weight because you want to, and not because someone else wants you to), work is holding it's own Biggest Loser Challenge for tax season, with cash prizes for the top three losers. You report your weight loss percentage every week, like they do on the show (but you weigh in at home and report on the honor system). They'll provide some free snacks and meals and fitness and recipe ideas along the way, so it's kind of a fun little program.

I would like to lose about 15 pounds, which would put me at about 8.5% of total lost body weight percentage, and which is completely reasonable for a 3 month period, since the challenge ends on April 15th. Except that it's that "last 10 pounds" which is so notoriously difficult.

I'm ready to try, and I'm scared to death. If I fail, I know I'll have tried my hardest and still failed, and the hope I've been holding onto by not trying is dashed. But if I succeed, and I can keep it off, I'll be so much happier with myself. Even though my body image issues are much, much better than than they used to be, there's still a part of me that's the fat kid, and I'd like to leave her behind with my twenties.

Wish me calorie deficits.