I've not been posty lately. Too many thoughts or not enough. Or too many thoughts about one deeply personal subject that crowd out any more mundane goings-on. Every once in a while, and now, a fear is brought to the forefront that I normally do a pretty good job keeping buried. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I do an excellent job convincing myself it doesn't matter, that I'll be okay either way. But it does matter. It matters more than anything and hope is a double-edged sword.