It Just Keeps Getting Harder

Mom isn't doing as well as previous testing indicated. The combo of steroids and antibodies that she has been taking since her hospitalization has showed promising count results in her blood tests. After the fevers, she consulted with doctors at the University hospitals to get a second opinion. More tests showed that she has genetic markers that indicate she would not respond well to treatment of this type of cancer, and that the fact she was in remission for so long was a miracle. They decided to get the ball rolling on a bone marrow transplant, as an option to have waiting after the results of the current therapy is known.

She got the results of her bone marrow biopsy back last week, and they found 95% cancer cells. You have to have at least 50% healthy cells in order to have a transplant, so she's not even eligible. They told her, "We need to get more aggressive on your treatment. Yesterday."

Mom and her doctors are continuing the current course of treatment until they can decide how to proceed. There are several clinical trials that she could participate in, if insurance will cover them. There's an extremely promising one in Ohio that has cured some people. But it's not easy to decide to hang your hat on an unproven therapy.

I don't think I'm handling this yet. I don't know how to approach handling this. The thought crosses my mind all the time that I might lose my mom, and I have to shut it down because it's too much. I want to be hopeful. Joe's aunt, who was diagnosed with stage four brain cancer about the time that Mom relapsed is responding well to treatment; her tumor is shrinking and she's been reclassified as stage three. I want the same thing for Mom. I need the same thing for Mom. I look at her, and she's frail and tired and sometimes I can tell she's scared and I want to be strong for her like she's always been strong for me. I hope I can do it.