One of the Bad Days

So much for trying to post every day. It seems like I only feel the need to post when I'm emotionally overwhelmed. I suppose that's all right; it is my blog after all, and I use it how I need to use it. I just thought it would be nice if I could post some happy things once in a while.

I'm upset again over trying to concieve. A year ago tomorrow we found out I was pregnant. I was on the exact same course as last year; if I conceived this month, the due dates would have been the same. I was so torn this about the possibility of doing everything exactly one year later and now that I know that's not a possiblity, I realize I wasn't torn at all.

I recently read a description of the grief of infertility. With normal grief, you lose your loved one, and you *know* they're never coming back. With infertility, the cycle is never ending, never healing: every month you hope, and every month you're disappointed and you grieve your dream. I grieve the baby I lost and the baby that will never be, every month. I try to temper the hope to mitigate the disappointment, but it's never enough.

The grief is normal in that some days are better than others. This is just one of the bad days.